I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
