How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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