it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
