Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
