just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
