I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize