You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
