There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
