yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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