You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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