I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
