She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
