Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
