can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
