Only a mothe r could love this liver
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize
