it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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