Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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