she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
