have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
