and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
