someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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