The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
