You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
