My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
