I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
