the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
