I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
