We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
