You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
