And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize