so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
