so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
