Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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