Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
