New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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