I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize