My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
