He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
