I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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