Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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