sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize