and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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