new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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