i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
