can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
