Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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