Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
