when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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