we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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