have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
