saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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