Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
