if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
