____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
