Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
