soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
