new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
