I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
